Soap, Tea & Mascara

My 30s were nothing like I expected. They were messy, beautiful, heartbreaking, rebuilding, and wildly transformative. I walked through things I never thought I’d survive, and somehow I’m still here—stronger, softer, and more myself than I’ve ever been.

For a long time, I thought my struggles meant I was behind… or broken… or doing life “wrong.” But now, looking back with clearer eyes and a calmer heart, I can finally see the truth: every loss, every detour, every cracked-open moment was shaping me. Stretching me. Preparing me. None of it was wasted.

These years taught me how to let go, how to fight for myself, how to rest, how to build, how to heal, and how to believe in a future I couldn’t see yet. They brought me people who loved me through my worst days and celebrated my best ones. They pushed me into new chapters I didn’t know I was ready for. They reminded me that God doesn’t play about me—He was weaving purpose into every season, even the painful ones.

Today, I’m grateful for where I’ve landed. For the life I’m building. For the joy that found me again. For every person who walked beside me—in love, in friendship, in family, in prayer. I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

These are the 30 lessons my 30s carved into me. Maybe they’ll speak to you too.

1. Not everything that breaks you is meant to destroy you – some things break you open.
Some of the hardest moments of my life felt like the end of me. But looking back, they cracked me open in a way nothing else could. They stripped away illusions, false safety, and versions of myself that weren’t aligned. What felt like destruction was actually transformation in disguise. Even the goodbyes. Friends I thought would be around forever. Relationships I thought would end in Marriage. Every heartbreak lead to a break through. You just have to go through the motions.

2. Losing people you love teaches you to love the ones you still have harder and deeper.
Grief changes how you love. It makes every laugh feel more precious, every hug feel more sacred. When you lose someone, you realize time is the only currency that truly matters – and you start spending it more intentionally. I cannot tell you how I take soooo many more pictures and videos now. Not to post online for all to see, but to have and treasure. In the end, the memories made with the people you love will be all that’s left. Cherish them.

3. Closure isn’t something they give you; it’s something you decide for yourself.
Waiting for apologies or explanations will keep you stuck. Seeking revenge will only make you bitter. I learned that peace comes from choosing to release what no longer serves me, even when answers never come. Closure is an inside job.

4. Your peace is worth protecting even if it disappoints people.
Not everyone will like the boundaries you set .. and that’s okay. Your nervous system, your heart, and your future deserve more than constant emotional chaos just to keep others comfortable. I used to stay in relationships with friends way longer than I should have because I thought that was the “loyal” thing to do. We had so much history and been through so many things together it honestly hurt thinking of letting them go. Over time, the more I held on, the more I was hurt. When I finally realized it was a one sided relationship and distanced myself – I was the bad guy. Choose yourself. Trust me, in the end, those people never really cared.

5. Healing isn’t linear … it’s a spiral.
Some days you’ll feel strong. Other days old wounds will resurface. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human, alive, and every time you come back to something, you meet it with more wisdom. I began shifting my perspective of whatever was stressing me out from “why is my life so hard? or why is the universe against me” to “what is this teaching me? What’s the lesson I’m getting out of this? How is this situation helping me grow?” Peace is a mindset. Not a destination.

6. Faith hits different when life forces you to lean on it.
It’s easy to believe when everything is going well. But real faith is built when nothing makes sense and you choose to trust anyway. My hardest seasons deepened my relationship with God in ways comfort never could. As a single Mom, for years, I would stress so bad about my bills and financials. With 2 little ones it seemed like never enough -but somehow, it always was enough. Over the years i learned to “give it to God”. Stay diligent of course. Budget it out. Keep the focus – but always Trust the Lord will take care of you.

7. Rest is productive.
Burnout isn’t proof of ambition. Rest is where clarity, creativity, and healing happen. Learning to pause changed my energy, my health, and my peace. As a Store Manager and Small Business owner real rest is hard to come by. It’s not found but made. Take the trip. Enjoy the dessert. Watch the movie. Close the damn laptop and LIVE. We sometime can feel guilty for not being “productive” and spending every waking moment building and growing our businesses but working on empty is far worse.

8. Your body keeps the score – listen to it.
Stress, trauma, and exhaustion show up physically. I learned that tending to my body isn’t vanity—it’s survival. When I honor my body, my mind and spirit follow. So get your regular check-ups. Bloodwork is so important YEARLY to know truly where you are in your nutrition and what supplements meet your bio-individuality.

9. You can outgrow people you thought would be permanent.
Some people are meant for chapters, not the whole book. Letting go doesn’t erase the love – it just makes room for what’s next. Two things can be true at the same time. You might have the best time and chemistry with someone and they are NOT meant to be a part of your life. Just a season. We must learn discernment with what’s meant for the future us and what was meant for the past us.

10. Boundaries don’t make you difficult; they make you WHOLE.
I used to think saying no meant being unkind. Now I know it means being honest. Boundaries protect what matters most. This is especially true for me with Family. It was in my 30s I really seen who was for me, who was just along for the ride, and who secretly competed with me. Your biggest haters are not always people who don’t know you. Sometimes they’re the people you spend holidays and birthday parties with. Don’t tell everyone everything. Keep things to yourself. Pay attention to the shade disguised at “jokes” and distance yourself accordingly.

11. You’re allowed to reinvent yourself.
You don’t have to stay the person you were at 25 or 30. Growth is allowed. Reinvention is allowed. Choosing something new is allowed. Every decade is different. You will not be the same person in your 30s that you were in your 20s and a whole new person at 40. It’s how life is meant to evolve. Staying stagnant is for the simple minded. The only thing you have to stay is a GOOD PERSON.

12. The right people won’t require you to shrink.
Real love doesn’t ask you to dim your light or make yourself smaller. It makes space for all of you. It truly loves you thorns and all. When the right people met you and give you their love, it can be so freeing. Anything that feels restricting or a space you have to hide yourself is not YOUR space. Those are not YOUR people. You will not grow there. Never stay anywhere you will not grow.

13. Love is more about consistency than grand gestures.
Showing up, being honest, being steady—those are the real love languages. Flashy moments fade, but reliability lasts. If they’re there only when it’s convenient for them. That’s not love. Real love makes time. It makes space. Inconsistency is not interest.

14. Your intuition is a gift.
Every time I ignored it, I paid for it. Every time I honored it, I was protected. That quiet inner voice knows more than fear ever will. Learn to listen and understand it. It will give you the hard truth every time.

15. You can forgive someone and still keep them out of your life.
Forgiveness is about freeing yourself—not reopening doors that hurt you. You can love someone from a far. A snake never stops being a snake. It only sheds it’s skin.

16. Joy is a discipline.
Some days you have to choose joy on purpose. Even when life feels heavy, there’s always something worth holding onto. Tomorrow will always come. Another chance will always be given.

17. Grief doesn’t end—it evolves.
You don’t “get over” loss. You learn to carry it with more grace, more love, and more meaning. You learn to appreciate what you do have and what you don’t. Grief is a part of everyone’s story. Some deeper than others. Understand that and go through the motions. Feel it. Then turn that pain into power.

18. Financial peace matters more than appearances.
Looking rich means nothing if you feel stressed and trapped. Stability brings real freedom. It was Leila Hormozi that I first heard speaking about how people use money for 1 of 2 functions. Either signaling or building. Broke people buy things to signal wealth.. Wealthy people use money to build. Investments and assets over liabilities and items that depreciate value over time.

19. You don’t have to earn rest.
You’re worthy of rest simply because you exist. Call out. Sleep in. There no time limit.

20. God’s timing is always right.
What feels delayed is often divine protection. I see that now. Rejection truly is protection. What for you, will always be for you.

21. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely.
Some of my most healing moments happened in solitude. Society spreads shame to women who enjoy their own company. Isolation brought me peace. It’s also allowed me to filter out what is for me and what is not. Someone with hobbies and interest, going after their dreams is never “lonely”.

22. Your younger self deserved grace.
I did the best I could with what I knew then—and that counts. My mistake haunted me. I lived in my head overthinking how things ‘could have been’. Everything happened as it should have.

23. Fear is loud, but it doesn’t get to drive.
I learned to move forward even when I’m scared. My children see it as “strong” or “brave” the truth is – I just did it anyway. FAITH over fear. I’m still afraid. I just have faith it will all work out the way that it’s supposed to.

24. Let yourself receive love.
You don’t always have to be the strong one. When friends and family really want to help – let them. Drop them kids off. Get a massage. When a man gives you a complement, it’s ok to smile and say thank you.

25. To step into your future, you have to release survival mode.
I’m not here just to survive—I’m here to live. Find out your budget and make the best out of your life with what you have. Abundance starts with appreciating what you already have. First thing in the morning, say “thank you” to whomever you believe is up there.

26. Discipline creates the life motivation dreams of.
Consistency changes everything and motivation is a lie. Discipline is where success lives. Motivation is a short fantasy. I would sit a write a “To Do” list every night before bed. Wake up and forget the list and miss every opportunity to start my day off right. It wasn’t until I discovered the system of having a “Morning Ritual/Routine” that I found true success in getting the most out of my day. Repetition is the only way to build a skill. Staying discipled in that repetition is how you find success.

27. What you allow will continue.
You choose to allow mistreatment, lies, and disrespect. You choose to allow yourself to think you’re anything less than greatness. You choose to talk to yourself negatively. Or – you can choose to love yourself and walk away from mistreatment and disrespect. You can choose to speak to yourself highly. Choose wisely.

28. Your voice matters.
Silence never saved me—speaking did.

29. Some people leave for a reason.
And sometimes that reason is protection.

30. You are exactly where you’re meant to be.
Even now. Especially now. Life doesn’t end at 30. In fact – now that in 40, i feel it has just begun. I’m so excited for this next decade.

My 30s didn’t give me a perfect life—but they gave me a real one. One filled with depth, faith, lessons, love, loss, and becoming. I wouldn’t change the journey, even the painful parts, because every chapter shaped the woman I am today. I’m grateful for every person who walked with me, every lesson that stretched me, and every season that taught me who I truly am. This next chapter isn’t about surviving anymore—it’s about living, loving, and honoring the story that brought me here.